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Thursday, May 24, 2012

ICLW and A Few Thoughts

Welcome ICLW! I've heard crickets so far this week, but maybe a new post will help. I've been having some issues trying to post from my iPad, so I hopped on my laptop for the night. For any newcomers, a little background and some current thoughts are here. I totally need to do a "My Story" post soon, I know. Sorry! :-)

In honor of many ICLW participants, several friends going through fertility issues right now, and my (our) background of infertility - I saw this picture and love it:
For those of us who know infertility, this is powerful. Whether you are actively dealing with fertility issues or you have in the past, this statement on waiting strikes right in the heart.
I still have a lump in my throat, an ache in my chest, tears well in my eyes as I read this and re-live trying to survive two weeks at a time.
Two weeks of being busy with shots, pills, ultrasounds, measurements, and blood draws. Then, two more weeks of trying to be positive and pretty much holding my breath while crossing everything, wishing on stars, praying long and hard, and trying not to implode.
And by the final cycle, I was doing exactly and only that - surviving.
Oh, yeah, and I was exercising extreme self-restraint at every. single. person. who told me to relax. "Relax, and it will happen," or, "As soon as you stop trying, you'll get pregnant." 
As well-meaning as people may have been, those statements cut straight to the bone. I wanted to scream that relaxing wouldn't do shit for us - I simply do not ovulate on my own. And you can't make a baby without an egg, y'all. Nope, nopey-nope.

I am thankful every day for my son. Every minute of every day. I know exactly how lucky I am. I think about all my comrades in the ALI (Adoption Loss Infertility) community every. single. day. I read their blogs. I cry tears of joy and sadness with women to whom I have never spoken nor met. I hit my knees in prayer for them. 
I went through it alone, the only online community I knew of then was amazingly exclusive of newcomers to the site. But that's for another post, another day...

To my ALI friends, hold on. As long as you can, hold on to the dream...


Much love...
Shelley

7 comments:

Shelley G said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Emma said...

Hi from ICLW! I've started following your blog :) I love that you're using cloth diapers. We're easing into it by using them during the day and sposies at night (our little guy can sleep through the night and I'm so scared that, since he can tell when he's wet in cloth, he won't sleep as well if we switched -- I miss sleep!).

People think I'm crazy for using cloth (even Hubby isn't 100% on board), but I love not having to run out and buy diapers every week and a half!

EndoJoanna said...

Hello from ICLW! Congratulations on finally getting your miracle baby! And I love the cloth diaper idea! I have always wanted to do that if I ever get my miracle baby! Thanks for sharing the info on those! Happy IClW!!

Deborah said...

Happy ICLW. I've gotten very few comments either. And I've clicked on a lot of blogs with posts that start "when I signed up for ICLW, I forgot I was going to be away this week..." Frustrating.

This is a great community, though, and you're right about the strength it provides for those going through infertility.

soonafamily said...

Hi from ICLW. It's been a slow week for me, too.

Thanks so much for sharing this quote and thinking of all of us who are still trying. Looking forward to reading more about you and your little one, especially your experiences with cloth diapering.

MoonNStarMommy said...

I love love love that photo - thank you so much for sharing it!!! I look forward to reading "your story" someday!!!

Happy ICLW from #3

Kristin said...

What a beautiful post. I'm so glad you reached your dream even if it wasn't the route you originally intended to take.

ICLW #65