ICLW and A Few Thoughts

Welcome ICLW! I've heard crickets so far this week, but maybe a new post will help. I've been having some issues trying to post from my iPad, so I hopped on my laptop for the night. For any newcomers, a little background and some current thoughts are here. I totally need to do a "My Story" post soon, I know. Sorry! :-)

In honor of many ICLW participants, several friends going through fertility issues right now, and my (our) background of infertility - I saw this picture and love it:

For those of us who know infertility, this is powerful. Whether you are actively dealing with fertility issues or you have in the past, this statement on waiting strikes right in the heart.

I still have a lump in my throat, an ache in my chest, tears well in my eyes as I read this and re-live trying to survive two weeks at a time.

Two weeks of being busy with shots, pills, ultrasounds, measurements, and blood draws. Then, two more weeks of trying to be positive and pretty much holding my breath while crossing everything, wishing on stars, praying long and hard, and trying not to implode.

And by the final cycle, I was doing exactly and only that - surviving.

Oh, yeah, and I was exercising extreme self-restraint at every. single. person. who told me to relax. "Relax, and it will happen," or, "As soon as you stop trying, you'll get pregnant." 

As well-meaning as people may have been, those statements cut straight to the bone. I wanted to scream that relaxing wouldn't do shit for us - I simply do not ovulate on my own. And you can't make a baby without an egg, y'all. Nope, nopey-nope.

I am thankful every day for my son. Every minute of every day. I know exactly how lucky I am. I think about all my comrades in the ALI (Adoption Loss Infertility) community every. single. day. I read their blogs. I cry tears of joy and sadness with women to whom I have never spoken nor met. I hit my knees in prayer for them. 

I went through it alone, the only online community I knew of then was amazingly exclusive of newcomers to the site. But that's for another post, another day...

To my ALI friends, hold on. As long as you can, hold on to the dream...


Much love...
Shelley